Manuel Anthony Rubi

Please Lord One More Day

I have spent a lot time lately bargaining with the silence. In those quiet moments, my heart cries out over and over again;

、Please LORD One More Day

If I had one more day, I wouldn't use it for anything grand. I wouldn't use it for a celebration. I would use for small things- the things I once took for granted. Here's how I would enjoy the day;

1) I would use it to hear the sound of Mano's voice calling me mom one more day.

2) I would use it to watch Mano walk out his door or to sit next to him on the living room sofa.

3) I would use it to tell him a thousand times over that l love him and tell him how proud I am to be his mama.

4) I would use it to sit in absolute quiet acknowledging his pain: just to let him know he was seen, he was valued., he was validated and he was loved exactly as he was.

5) I would thank him for giving a dollar to the man at the street corner despite

having so little of his own. He always lifted up the downtrodden with his

sergeant voice and his silly humor. He understood their pain because he lived

and gave them the dignity the rest of the world often withheld.

For everything about you I am grateful.

Mano was a man of beautiful complex layers. He possessed a brilliant

intelligence and a humility that shielded him from getting swallowed up by

people's bad intentions. All the while he carried an unbearable pain and a

broken heart. A pain so deep he would at times lose himself in all his turmoil.

He was deeply hurt by a world that isn't so kind to its most precious, sensitive

souls. The world might have seen an angry man, but those of us who loved and

understood him saw a gentle soul whom faced many a battle. However,

through it all, he kept his capacity to love and perform human acts of kindness.

In my opinion, my son was misunderstood, underestimated, disregarded and

dismissed. I wished everyone understood the Mano his brother Ruben, Cisco

and I knew. Mano, we love you. And, we are grateful for having you in our lives!

Mano we will miss you every day of the rest of our lives. We will miss your

kindness, your laughter, and your wise guy humor. Most of all, we will miss

your presence here on earth. We promise to carry your story with us always. I

will stop bargaining for one more day and instead cherish the time we had

here on earth while you were here. We will carry on your fierce advocacy for

the underdog and the downtrodden. We will hold your humble soul in our hearts forever.

But as I stand here today, I realize that even if I was granted one more day, it

wouldn't be enough. I take comfort in knowing your anger and pain have fallen

away, you are no longer looking a place to rest, you are finally home. You have

won the battle. Here is a poem I was inspired to write during this time of loss:

Unarmed against the gale

No steel to guard the breast

With spirit soft and frail

They put the storm to rest

The arrows fell like rain

Upon a defenseless shore

yet kindness wore the pain

And triumphed over war

We are so grateful to have had you in our lives. We love you. We always have and we always will. We will honor your complexity and depth of character.

In closing, I would like to read a poem inspired by the poem he wrote as a nine-year-

old and the song that was dedicated by Grandma Treviño, over the Spanish radio

station on the day he was born, November 14,1972.

Mi estrellita ya no vas a llorar

Gleam through the dark night

Tiny spark of gold and fire

Banish every blue